# 10 Awareness Doesn’t Mean Perfection - It Means Choice

You know those weeks where life just… won’t give you a break?
Where one thing after another keeps happening until you start to wonder if the universe is playing some kind of elaborate joke?

Yeah! … that was my week.

And while it started as one small frustration, it quickly became a masterclass in awareness, surrender, and what it really means to live this human experience without attaching meaning to every bump along the way.

When Life Starts “Lifing”

I’m in the middle of moving house, and if you’ve ever moved, you already know it’s up there with root canals and tax audits in the “things we wish we didn’t have to do” category.

Boxes everywhere, endless to-do lists, misplaced items, basically chaos in motion.

As I was packing, I went to check a few boxes I’d been storing in the shed. They’d only been there a couple of months, so I expected a quick repack and move on. Except… the shed had become Ant Headquarters. I opened one box and found an infestation, I’m not talking about a few little ants, but millions. Everywhere. In my camping gear, inside boxes, across shelves. It was overwhelming, to say the least.

And because they were definitely not invited to my new house, I had to deal with them.

That same weekend, I stood on a piece of metal hidden in the grass and cut my foot (mmm, when did I get my last tetanus shot?!). The next day, I was stung by a bee. And just when I thought the chaos was complete, my internet provider decided to disconnect my service - two weeks early.

Apparently, human error.

Five phone calls later, still no solution. Each representative gave me a different story, none of them useful, and I could feel my patience wearing thinner by the hour.

By day four, I had no internet, no clear answers, and what felt like the universe screaming, “Let’s see how aware you really are, Tina!”

The Moment Everything Landed

Here’s the funny part (funny, not funny), through all of it, I thought I was handling it well.

I wasn’t yelling, I wasn’t falling apart. I was just “dealing with it.” One thing at a time.

But there’s this subtle trap, especially for those of us with Generator energy in Human Design - we can function beautifully while being completely disconnected from our bodies. We just keep going, thinking that staying productive means we’re fine. Except, we’re not.

The moment I realised that was when I went into the store to sort out my internet in person. The staff there had nothing to do with the disconnection, but I found myself being short with them, frustrated, sharp.

That’s not me.

As I walked back to my car, I could feel my nervous system vibrating. My breath was shallow, my chest tight, my shoulders rigid. I suddenly became aware - my body was completely dysregulated. And that awareness hit me hard.

Because I’d been “doing fine” on the outside … but inside, I was running on pure survival.

Awareness Isn’t About Fixing

That moment of awareness was everything - because it gave me a choice.

Not the choice to “fix” it or make it go away, but the choice to feel it.

So instead of rushing home to meditate it away or talk myself into calm, I sat in my car and let it land. I cried. I let my body shake. I breathed.

Because awareness doesn’t always look peaceful. Sometimes it looks like tears, trembling, or that deep exhale when you finally admit, I’m not okay right now.

That’s awareness. Noticing the truth of what’s happening, without needing to make it mean something about who you are.

So many of us try to manage our nervous systems like they’re problems to fix. But true regulation isn’t about control - it’s about honesty.

You don’t have to be calm to be conscious.
You just have to be present with what’s real.

The Trap of Meaning-Making

When I finally allowed myself to feel everything that had been building, something shifted.

I realised that the real discomfort wasn’t the ants, or the bee sting, or even the internet outage - it was my attachment to what those things meant.

I’d unconsciously fallen into that familiar story:
“Why is this happening to me?”
“What did I do wrong?”
“Am I out of alignment?”

It’s such an easy trap to fall into, especially when you’re self-aware or spiritually inclined. Because awareness, ironically, can turn into another tool of self-judgment if we’re not careful.

We start believing that if we were truly “aligned,” bad days wouldn’t happen.
But that’s not awareness - that’s perfectionism dressed as spirituality. And it can be a moment where you call BS.

The truth is, sometimes ants are just ants.
Sometimes life just happens.
And there’s no cosmic punishment or deeper meaning to it.

But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing there.
Because even when there isn’t a “reason,” there’s always an invitation.

Maybe it’s an invitation to slow down.
To listen to your body.
To notice how quickly you turn a neutral event into a personal narrative.

Awareness, Choice, and the Power of Pause

Here’s the simple but powerful truth I came back to:

We can’t always choose what happens - but we can always choose how we meet it.

That’s the essence of awareness.
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about presence.

When I caught myself spiralling, I paused.
I took a breath.

What’s actually true right now?
And what story am I adding to it?

That question changed everything.

Because when I stopped trying to “fix” life, I could feel life again.

The frustration became energy moving through me.
The tears became release.
The chaos became clarity.

And underneath it all, there was peace - not because everything was resolved, but because I stopped fighting reality.

The Gift of Surrender

Surrender gets misunderstood so often. It’s not giving up. It’s giving in - to what’s already here.

It’s the exhale after holding your breath for too long.
It’s choosing to feel what’s real instead of pretending to be okay.
It’s remembering that even when you can’t control what’s happening, you can always control how gently you meet yourself in it.

And that’s the part we forget - awareness isn’t about always knowing what’s next. It’s about trusting yourself enough to stay open when you don’t.

Because growth doesn’t come from being perfect.
It comes from being willing to feel everything.

That’s evolution.
That’s embodiment.
That’s empowerment.

So, if you’re in a season where everything feels heavy - pause.

Take a deep breath.
Feel your body.
Notice what’s actually happening.

Then remind yourself:
“I am safe to feel this.”
“I don’t have to make it mean something.”
“I don’t need to be perfect to be aware.”

Because every moment of awareness, yes even the messy ones, is a chance to come home to yourself.

You don’t need to transcend the human experience to be spiritual.
You just need to stay in it - with tenderness, honesty, and choice.

At the end of the day, life isn’t out to get you.
It’s just inviting you to wake up - again and again - to what’s real.

So, next time you find yourself having “one of those days,” try this:
Breathe.
Pause.
Feel.
Choose your perspective.

Because awareness doesn’t mean perfection.
It means choice.

And that choice - to stay, to feel, to breathe - is where your real power lives.

If this message landed for you, I’d love for you to listen to the full episode on Breathe, Empower & Evolve with Tina Podcast:
🎧 “Awareness Doesn’t Mean Perfection — It Means Choice.”

And remember, beautiful soul … sometimes ants are just ants.